Friendships/Fellowships are shaped by three pillars: proximity, timing, and energy.
Emotional Proximity: Beyond physical location, proximity also includes emotional closeness. This involves shared experiences, vulnerabilities, or life circumstances that create a sense of “being on the same wavelength.” For instance, two friends who bond over navigating similar challenges (e.g., parenting, career transitions) feel emotionally close, even if they’re physically distant. However, if one friend’s circumstances change significantly (e.g., one becomes a parent while the other remains single), the emotional proximity may decrease, leading to a drift
Timing: The Right Moment for Connection.
Robbins notes that timing is not something you can control. If a friend’s priorities or life stage no longer align with yours, forcing the same level of closeness can feel like swimming against the current. The “Let Them” approach involves accepting their current season of life and focusing on your own path. While the friendship may not be over permanently, clinging to it tightly during a mismatch can lead to disappointment.
- Reciprocity and Effort: Energy thrives on mutual give-and-take. A healthy friendship feels balanced, with both friends offering support, listening actively, and making time for each other. If one person is always initiating contact or carrying the emotional load, the imbalance can erode the connection. For instance, constantly texting a friend who rarely responds signals a lack of reciprocal energy, suggesting the friendship isn’t a priority for them.
- Values and Emotional Alignment: Energy also involves shared values and emotional compatibility. Friends with similar outlooks—on humor, ambition, or growth—enjoy a natural flow in interactions. However, if one friend’s values shift (e.g., adopting a lifestyle or belief system you don’t share), the emotional energy may feel misaligned, leading to tension or disconnection.
Natural Fading vs. Toxic Ending: Robbins distinguishes between friendships that naturally fizzle out and those that end due to toxicity or betrayal. Some friendships fade without conflict due to life changes, while others require deliberate boundaries if they become harmful. Not all friendship endings are dramatic. A “slow fizzle” can occur when both parties stop investing due to diverging paths, like moving to different cities or entering new life stages. This is often mutual and doesn’t require confrontation. However, Robbins also acknowledges that some friendships end because of toxic dynamics—e.g., a friend who constantly criticizes you or makes you feel small. In these cases, the “Let Them” theory involves setting boundaries and prioritizing your peace, even if it means stepping away entirely. For example, if a friend’s behavior consistently drains you or violates your values, letting them go is an act of self-care, not failure.
Robbins’ core message is that letting go of friendships that no longer serve you isn’t a failure—it’s an act of empowerment. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that’s a natural part of life’s ebb and flow. By embracing the “Let Them” mindset, you free yourself from the emotional burden of trying to control others’ actions or cling to outdated connections. This creates space for new relationships that align with your current self, fostering greater peace and authenticity.
While Robbins’ theory is empowering, some critics argue it risks oversimplifying complex emotional dynamics. For instance, a Reddit thread suggests that the “Let Them” approach might discourage vulnerability, which researchers like BrenĂ© Brown argue is essential for connection. However, Robbins counters that letting go isn’t about disconnection but about redirecting energy toward relationships that are mutually fulfilling. The key is balancing acceptance of others’ choices with active investment in your own social well-being.