Monday, July 7, 2025

KEY INGREDIENTS TO A SUCCESSFUL FRIENDSHIP/FELLOWSHIP: PROXIMITY, TIMING, and ENERGY

My oldest daughter recently finished The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, and over dinner last night, she shared some fascinating insights from the book with our family. Beyond the key takeaways promoted in the book, she highlighted the three pillars that explain why some friendships, connections and/or fellowships endure while others naturally fade.  I found the things she shared to be fascinating, so I wanted to share some of the concepts in this blog post. (A quick hat tip to Grok, as I haven’t read the book myself yet!)
 


Friendships/Fellowships are shaped by three pillars: proximity, timing, and energy.

Proximity: The Role of Physical and Emotional Closeness.

Physical proximity refers to the physical or situational nearness that facilitates connection. Friendships often form because people are in the same place at the same time—whether it’s a workplace, school, neighborhood, or shared social circle. Proximity creates opportunities for repeated interactions, which are the foundation of building trust and familiarity. Without intentional effort to stay in touch, the friendship may fade because the natural opportunities for bonding diminish.

Emotional Proximity: Beyond physical location, proximity also includes emotional closeness. This involves shared experiences, vulnerabilities, or life circumstances that create a sense of “being on the same wavelength.” For instance, two friends who bond over navigating similar challenges (e.g., parenting, career transitions) feel emotionally close, even if they’re physically distant. However, if one friend’s circumstances change significantly (e.g., one becomes a parent while the other remains single), the emotional proximity may decrease, leading to a drift

Timing: The Right Moment for Connection. 

Timing refers to the alignment of life stages, priorities, and circumstances that enable a friendship to thrive. Friendships flourish when both individuals are in similar phases of life, with compatible schedules or emotional availability. When timing shifts due to life changes—like marriage, career demands, or personal crises—friendships can struggle.  Timing is about being in sync with a friend’s life phase. For example, friends who bonded over shared career goals in their 20s may drift apart if one starts a family while the other pursues travel or entrepreneurship. Differing priorities can make it hard to relate or find time to connect, leading to a natural fade. Timing also involves being emotionally available for a friendship. If a friend is navigating a crisis (e.g., a divorce or job loss), they may lack the capacity to invest in the relationship. Similarly, if you’re focused on personal growth or intense goals, you may not be as available for connection as before.

Robbins notes that timing is not something you can control. If a friend’s priorities or life stage no longer align with yours, forcing the same level of closeness can feel like swimming against the current. The “Let Them” approach involves accepting their current season of life and focusing on your own path. While the friendship may not be over permanently, clinging to it tightly during a mismatch can lead to disappointment.

Energy: The Emotional Investment and Alignment. 

Energy refers to the emotional effort, enthusiasm, and mutual investment both parties bring to a friendship. It’s about the “vibe” of the relationship—whether it feels reciprocal, uplifting, and aligned with your values. Mismatched or one-sided energy can make a friendship draining or unsustainable.
  • Reciprocity and Effort: Energy thrives on mutual give-and-take. A healthy friendship feels balanced, with both friends offering support, listening actively, and making time for each other. If one person is always initiating contact or carrying the emotional load, the imbalance can erode the connection. For instance, constantly texting a friend who rarely responds signals a lack of reciprocal energy, suggesting the friendship isn’t a priority for them.
  • Values and Emotional Alignment: Energy also involves shared values and emotional compatibility. Friends with similar outlooks—on humor, ambition, or growth—enjoy a natural flow in interactions. However, if one friend’s values shift (e.g., adopting a lifestyle or belief system you don’t share), the emotional energy may feel misaligned, leading to tension or disconnection.
 Robbins emphasizes that you can’t control someone else’s energy. If a friend’s effort is lacking or their values no longer align with yours, trying to “fix” the relationship is often futile. The “Let Them” theory encourages letting their actions reveal their priorities and redirecting your energy toward connections that feel mutual and fulfilling.



The Emotional Toll of Holding On: Robbins argues that clinging to friendships that no longer fit creates unnecessary stress and prevents you from forming new, meaningful connections. The “Let Them” theory encourages releasing the need to control or fix relationships, which can lead to peace and emotional freedom. Holding onto a fading friendship—whether due to guilt, fear of confrontation, or nostalgia—can lead to resentment, insecurity, or a sense of rejection. For example, if a friend no longer invites you to events, you might obsess over why or try to “win” their attention, which Robbins sees as wasted energy. Instead, she advises accepting their choices and focusing on your own well-being—e.g., seeking new friends who share your current interests or values. This process can be painful, as it involves grieving the loss of what the friendship once was, but it opens space for relationships that align with who you are now.

Natural Fading vs. Toxic Ending: Robbins distinguishes between friendships that naturally fizzle out and those that end due to toxicity or betrayal. Some friendships fade without conflict due to life changes, while others require deliberate boundaries if they become harmful. Not all friendship endings are dramatic. A “slow fizzle” can occur when both parties stop investing due to diverging paths, like moving to different cities or entering new life stages. This is often mutual and doesn’t require confrontation. However, Robbins also acknowledges that some friendships end because of toxic dynamics—e.g., a friend who constantly criticizes you or makes you feel small. In these cases, the “Let Them” theory involves setting boundaries and prioritizing your peace, even if it means stepping away entirely. For example, if a friend’s behavior consistently drains you or violates your values, letting them go is an act of self-care, not failure.

Robbins’ core message is that letting go of friendships that no longer serve you isn’t a failure—it’s an act of empowerment. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that’s a natural part of life’s ebb and flow. By embracing the “Let Them” mindset, you free yourself from the emotional burden of trying to control others’ actions or cling to outdated connections. This creates space for new relationships that align with your current self, fostering greater peace and authenticity.

While Robbins’ theory is empowering, some critics argue it risks oversimplifying complex emotional dynamics. For instance, a Reddit thread suggests that the “Let Them” approach might discourage vulnerability, which researchers like BrenĂ© Brown argue is essential for connection. However, Robbins counters that letting go isn’t about disconnection but about redirecting energy toward relationships that are mutually fulfilling. The key is balancing acceptance of others’ choices with active investment in your own social well-being.

Friday, June 20, 2025

Summer solstice 2025

In a few hours here on the East coast it will be the summer solstice. The solstice moment is universal, happening at the same instant worldwide. This week my family and I traveled to the East Coast. It is not very often that you can see such a beautiful sunset from a small plane window. Thought I would share in part of my observance of this years summer solstice. 





 

Sunday, June 15, 2025

First Father's Day without my father.


Today was my first fathers' Day without my father. It has almost been a year since he passed away. Hard to believe it has been that long. Remember like it was yesterday when we had him over to our home for Father's Day dinner last year. Like always, he came over to dinner that Sunday with his suit and tie on. I miss him. I went hiking this weekend as part of my tribute to him for Father's Day. He was an extremely difficult hike. Camped at the Timpanogos trailhead up Provo Canyon and woke up early in the morning in an attempt to make it as close to the summit as possible. Mount Timpanogos was one of my dad's favorite mountains. Here are some photos from the hike. 








Didn't quite make it to the summit because of the danger of climbing across the snow, but instead jumped in Emerald lake at the base of the glacier. One of the best polar plunges I've done.

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This morning in Church I heard one of the most beautiful prayers. Here is my best attempta to transcribe the words:

"Our Father in heaven on this day, when fathers are being remembered and honored, we honor you, the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named. As you've told us, see what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God, and so we are. 

Father, we thank you for our fathers, for their sacrifices, for their example, their care, their counsel, their presence in our lives. May we honor them through our words and deeds. 
 
For those who don't have good memories of their fathers, we pray that they would be strengthened with power through your Spirit in their lives. We pray for patience, to understand, particularly to forgive, encourage to stand fast, in the truth of the gospel. 

For those fathers, who are estrange from a child or children, for anyone who is unreconciled with their own father, would you bring to pass this promise you gave us in Malach. "And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers." 

For those who have never known their father, can they be more aware than ever that you are the father of the fatherless, that nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from your love. in Jesus Christ's name, our Lord. Amen."


Monday, June 2, 2025

SACRED SITES: Ancient and Modern, Natural and Manmade.

Our Belated 30th Wedding Anniversary Trip:

Last year, we planned a special trip to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary, but unforeseen family events delayed our travel. This year, we finally were able to explore the beauty and sacred locations in England, Scotland, and Ireland.  Here’s a glimpse of some of the photos (just 20 of 1000's) I took of the incredible places we visited


Lincoln Cathedral


Lincoln Cathedral


Durdle Door Beach

Durdle Door Beach


Durdle Door Beach

Durdle Door Beach

Seven Sisters, South Coast of England

Kilchurn Castle with Highland Cows


Glastonbury Tor




Chalice Well, Glasonbury



Newgrange, Ireland

Fountains Abbey, England


Rosslyn and Chapel, Scotland

Scottish Highlands

Glenfinnan Viaduct, Scotland

Edinburgh Castle, Scotland

Cliffs of Moher, Ireland

Stonehenge, England

Peace and Alignment










Sunday, April 6, 2025

Expect turbulent waters. APRIL 6 - A significant day.

 


Today is April 6th. Since I wasn't able to hike on the Spring Equinox, today was the best day to make up for it. While never easy to wake up in the middle of night and drive a long distance to a trailhead, reaching a peak in time to see the sunrise is always worth it.  A few photos from this morning. 








Just read this and thought it was important to share today: 

"Expect turbulent waters. But you can still be at peace because of Him. This is the message that Joseph Smith’s restored gospel is trying to get across to us: an immediate, accessible, proximate Lord and Savior who understands and comprehends what you are going through and what you will go through and has the ability to sucor you in your every need. It doesn’t mean your burdens are gonna go away. It means your burdens are gonna be made understandable to you so that what you experience is acceptable and does not harm your soul. Despite turmoil, you can find peace.

 What Christ acquired through His suffering was knowledge and understanding of everything you have or will ever go through or suffer. He understands. But He doesn’t understand that in order for you to simply be the passive recipient of a blessing that He confers as a consequence of what He went through. He went through it so He can guide you to the same end. There is no magic fairy dust. You must rise up. You must overcome sin. You must leave behind you the things that bring about guilt and remorse. He has finished His preparations. And now the Righteous (who has knowledge of how to bring you through that) can guide you, can lead you, can succor you in your affliction so that you too can overcome that portion of the world that you have to contend with.

 He's gonna wipe away every tear, and He's gonna defeat the grave. But that can't make us individually worthy. The only way that we can become individually worthy is if we do as He instructs us to do, acknowledge our own many shortcomings, and then turn around to face God and leave behind us all the things that are unworthy, unacceptable, disobedient; all of our jarrings; all of our contentions; all of our pride; all of our efforts to raise ourselves at the expense of others; all of our ambition, our desire for control and compulsion and dominion, our desire to be profiting at the expense of others. In many respects, it requires Zion for us to fully repent, and yet Zion requires us to be something very different than what we are."

 excerpts from the Preface of the Volume 8 - 2022-2023 of the Teaching of DS 

Monday, March 31, 2025

The 2025 Spring Equinox Hike that never happened. (Viewer Discretion advised.)

Dedicated to my wife and my mom—the two Wisdoms in my life.

The Spring Equinox has always held deep significance for me, not only because it symbolizes life and renewal but also because it marks my mother’s birthday. Observing the equinoxes and solstices—four pivotal days in the year—is something I have always enjoyed. For over a decade, I have observed the Spring Equinox by going on a sunrise hike in the mountains. I usually share photos from my experience, and this year, a few people asked if I had gone on my hike and, if so, why I hadn’t posted any pictures.

The truth is, I wasn’t able to go this year. I hadn’t planned on sharing this, but after some thought, I decided to do so.

A few weeks before the equinox, I woke up with a sharp pain in my left leg, just below the knee. When I looked down, I saw a large bite mark. The area around it was swollen, inflamed, and discolored.

At first, I didn’t mention it to my wife. I assumed it would heal on its own. But as the days passed, the inflammation worsened. The swelling spread down my leg, affecting my ankle and foot, making it painful to wear shoes.

Following the advice of the Wisdoms in my life, I went to an urgent care clinic. The doctors asked if I had seen what bit me. I am not sure what did..but it was something. Unfortunately, I hadn’t found it.

I received several shots to treat the infection, but a few days later, my leg wasn’t improving. I had to return to the doctor, who ordered an ultrasound to check for a potential blood clot. Thankfully, there was no clot, but I was warned to monitor it closely. If my condition didn’t improve, I was to go to the hospital immediately.

Little by little, with the help of anti-inflammatory medication and additional treatments, the swelling began to subside. It took nearly three weeks for my leg to return to normal.

Lately I have thought a lot about this experience.

What should someone do if they find something potentially harmful in their home? Bites with severe reactions like mine are rare. Many would simply kill whatever it was on the spot. 

My daughter, however, has a heart of gold. She won’t even harm a fly.  Time and again, I’ve seen her carefully scoop up insects and release them outside, returning them to the earth where they belong.

This made me think hypothetically: 

What if there were a structured, fair process for safely removing something from a home? Imagine if, after following that process, someone still felt it hadn’t been done correctly. What if they insisted on bringing whatever it was back inside, claiming the process that was followed was flawed? Would those living in the home feel safe?

Would it be righteous to prioritize the procedure over the well-being of the household? Or what if we  say, “They will do what they will do,” and allow the it stay in our home. Just don't get to close to it or aggravate it. 

What kind of a father or husband am I if I didn't do anything, and just let that thing stay in my home. What if it attacked again and bit my wife and daughter.


Sidenote: 

My wife and I recently watched the movie Braveheart. This is the 30 year anniversary release of this historical movie epic directed by and starring Mel Gibson. It tells the story of William Wallace, a Scottish warrior who leads a rebellion against England’s oppressive rule in the late 13th century. After the brutal murder of his wife by English soldiers, Wallace unites the Scottish clans in a fight for freedom against King Edward I ("Longshanks"). I was inspired to see the sacrifice that William Wallace made in the defence of his wife and his people.  If only there were more men like William Wallace today. 













Monday, March 3, 2025

REMEMBER YOUR VOCATION

Morning sunrise over the Wasatch Mountains.


A vocation is a calling or a sense of purpose that drives someone toward a specific path in life. The term comes from the Latin word "vocatio," meaning "a call" or "summons," and it traditionally carries a sense of being drawn to work that aligns with one’s values, talents, or passions. Too often, we forget our vocation and get distracted on other things. 

I appreciated the wake up call this weekend to remember my vocation. 


Wednesday, February 26, 2025

IT IS A GIFT TO EXIST and WITH EXISTENCE COMES SUFFERING

Some photos and thoughts from evening hike up to Guardsman Pass last weekend.

Solace
comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness. 











It is a gift to exist. And with existence comes suffering. There is no escaping that. But, if you are grateful for your life - which I think is a positive thing to do, though not everyone feels that way, and I certainly don't always feel it myself-  then you have to be grateful for all of it. You can't pick and choose what your grateful for.

So, what do you gain from loss and suffering? You gain an awareness of other people's losses, which allows you to connect with them. This connection enables you to love more deeply and understand what it’s like to be human. You can then relate to others and love them in a profound way that not only accepts the fact that we all suffer, but also makes you grateful for your own suffering, for it gives you the ability to truly understand others.

It’s about embracing the fullness of your humanity. What’s the point of being here, of being human, if you can’t be the most human you can be? I’m not talking about being the “best” human, but the “most” human. That means acknowledging—and ultimately being grateful for.. EVERYTHING - even the things I wish hadn’t happened, because they gave me a gift.  

(adapted quote by Stephen Colbert)

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

GLIMMERS OF HOPE vs TRIGGERS OF FEAR

Photo of sunrise over the Wasatch Mountains

I read the following advice this morning that I thought I would share: 

If you want to decrease stress, start paying attention to your "glimmers".

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They're those tiny moments of joy, awe and peace that cue our nervous system to feel safe, calm and connected.

Once you start looking for them, you will see them everywhere ...

To combat stress and cultivate inner peace, focus on cultivating and appreciating your "glimmers"—those small moments of joy, wonder, and tranquility that soothe your nervous system.

Unlike stressors that trigger anxiety, glimmers signal safety and connection, fostering a sense of calm. These moments, often overlooked in the rush of daily life, are abundant once you begin actively seeking them out. 

Glimmer to me has always meant slight, minimal, and hardly unrecognizable. We all witness "glimmers" in our life but often times choose to view only the negative "triggers" 

The world we live in often seems fixated on highlighting the "triggers", and it can feel heaving when those consume our thoughts and minds. The recent tragic fires in California have not helped.  Fear, stress, and anxiety are just a few of the many names that reflect "the accuser". But hope, peace and comfort are "glimmers" that reflect the Lord. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2025

HOLY **** !

 Just when I thought the reconstruction of the Salt Lake Temple could not get worse. We are now going on six years since the beginning of the "Reconstruction" of the Temple. For those of you who are unable to see the current state of the Temple right now, I share the below photos.  High above the Temple between the spires, there are now eight port-a-potties positioned above the temple. (See lower left in the below photo). I have zoomed in so you can see up closer these Honey Buckets)


I had friend email me a photo of the temple and said this when he saw the portable toilets on top of the temple and said the following: 
Those are the only two words to describe this scene. Literally. 
(or maybe two other words -Desecration and Defecation)






 (btw: the large crane was partially photoshopped out of the photo) 

Thursday, January 2, 2025

GRATEFUL THAT 2024 IS OVER!

It's been a while since my last post, but I wanted to kick off the New Year by sharing a quote from Orson Ferguson Whitney that perfectly captures the year 2024 for me.
“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.”

Despite the challenges and hardships of the past year, there were also some truly beautiful moments. Below are a few photos I never got around to posting from some hikes and experiences in 2024. The first photo probably best represents what 2024 felt like. My wife took it while hiking behind me.











With all that said, I felt it was important to share this today. This morning, I woke up with a heart full of hope and gratitude. I’m feeling incredibly optimistic for what 2025 has in store

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Sidenote:

Last night, my wife and I watched the movie Mary on Netflix.  I hesitate to recommend it. The creators took GREAT artistic licensing and I found some of the content to be disturbing, especially how they portrayed the angel Gabriel as well as some other scenes. But that being said, I appreciated the contrast between the virgin Mary to the King Herod. Anthony Hopkins portrayal of Herod the Great was incredible. It shows what the  insatiable lust for power can do to a man. 



Here is the trailer to the movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d74vHvsACSs