THE IMAGE OF GOD

It's been a minute since I last posted. My wife and I just got back home from the West Coast. It was a much-needed healing trip. As much as I love watching sunrises from mountain peaks, I think I love sunsets by the ocean with my wife even more.

We've been married for almost 32 years, but we've known each other for nearly 45. Like every marriage, ours has had its share of ups and downs. Through it all, we've learned to reason together and work through difficulties. We still are learning. However, we stay committed during the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, and for the richer, or for the poorer. I truly believe that until we master those skills in our own marriage—listening deeply, understanding each other, and finding common ground—it's hard to reason together and resolve conflicts effectively with anyone else.

Grateful for the journey and for my wife who's been by my side through it all.

A few quotes: 

"The restoration points to eternal marriage as man’s glorious destiny. The restoration also began to make eternal marriage in the image of God again possible. Therefore all the elements of the gospel point back to marriage as God’s final purpose for mankind.

The gospel is all about marriage and family. The creation was for Adam, and creation was “not good” until Eve was given as a spouse and helpmeet for Adam. From this simple account of man’s origin, we see everything from the stars above to the world itself led inexorably to the marriage of Adam and Eve. As a couple, the two were “the image of God".

Is your marriage in the image of God? Is there godliness about the way you and your spouse  interact? Would angels see the image of God in your relationship? These are not just noble notions to be attained in the afterlife, but describe what marriage could and should look like. Is the glory of God within your marriage? “The glory of God is intelligence, or another words light and truth."

excerpts from Preserving the Restoration 

... 

"The most important marriage skill is listening to your partner in a way 

that they can’t possibly doubt that you love them."

....

"In a marriage, both people can be right at the same time, and both people can be wrong. Remembering this is essential for good communication."

....

"When we listen, understand, and respect each other’s ideas, 

we can then find a solution in which both of us are winners."

....

"The goal is to have a conversation in a way so that 

you can have another conversation tomorrow." 

...

"Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood 

that they are on the same side." 

....

"Learning to communicate in marriage isn’t solved by applying a magic potion

 —it’s a path of discovery. ... You’re now both part of a team and you need to proceed 

through the rest of your married lives as a team."

Here are a few photos from our trip:

Sidenote: 

A Combination of four events this past 24 hours:

• A SOLAR ECLIPSE
• THE LUNAR NEW YEAR
• RAMADAN
• ASH WEDNESDAY

There was a solar eclipse yesterday, February 17, 2026. This eclipse coincided interestingly with the Lunar New Year, marking the start of the Year of the Horse (specifically the Fire Horse, a rare combination that occurs only every 60 years). This year symbolizes energy, freedom, forward momentum, bravery, speed, independence, endurance, and vitality.

Today, February 18, 2026, is a remarkable convergence of significant religious observances across different faiths. Today marks the beginning of Ramadan for many Muslims (with the first full day of fasting often starting today or tomorrow depending on local moon sightings) and Ash Wednesday for Western Christians (Catholics, Anglicans, Lutherans, and others), kicking off the season of Lent.


Ramadan:
Fasting during Ramadan commemorates this revelation and serves as a time of spiritual renewal, heightened devotion, self-discipline, gratitude, and empathy. From dawn to sunset observant Muslims abstain from food, drink, smoking, and intimate relations. The fast isn't just physical—it's meant to foster self-control, avoidance of sin (like gossip or anger), extra prayer, charity, and reflection. It builds compassion for those in need by experiencing hunger and thirst.


Ash Wednesday:
Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent in Western Christianity, a 40-day period (excluding Sundays) of preparation leading up to Easter, commemorating Jesus Christ's resurrection. It emphasizes repentance, humility, and the need for reconciliation with God. The day draws from biblical themes of penitence (e.g., ashes and sackcloth in the Old Testament as signs of mourning or turning from sin) and Jesus' 40 days of fasting in the wilderness.


This overlap on February 18, 2026—right after the annular solar eclipse and coinciding with the Lunar New Year—is quite unique, highlighting themes of renewal, reflection, fasting, and spiritual focus shared across these traditions, even as their specific meanings and practices differ

Footnotes; 

2015-09-02 Preserving the Restoration

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL -WINTER SOLSTICE

Today is the Winter Solstice. 

I try my best to observe all the equinoxes and solstices each year, usually by hiking in the mountains.

Not every hike is beautiful.
Not every hike is there good weather to see the sunrise.
Not every hike is pain free.

Not every hike is enjoyable.

Many hikes (especially in the winter) are dark, cloudy, lonely and painful.

However, every time I do hike, I come back home, grateful for the experience. 

This morning, I was grateful for a break in the clouds only for a moment to see stars and heaven above. 

GIVING THANKS, and the Four Things You Must Never Do

“Whatever is good in any circumstances we must thank Him for; whatever is hard we must accept as His will and try to learn from.”

On the eve of Thanksgiving, I wanted to share a quick thought.

Thanksgiving isn't just for "counting your blessings" and being grateful for all of the good things in our life. Real gratitude is not selective. Thank God for the bitter things as well as the sweet. The grateful person thanks God for everything that comes from His hand, because everything (even the painful) is being used for our eternal good and His glory. So this year, I’m learning to say thank You for both the feast and the famine, the laughter and the tears, the triumphs and the failures, and the joy and the pain.

Sidenote: I wanted to share the lyrics to song I heard on the radio as I was driving into work this morning:

Selected Lyrics from the song: "I Need You" by Jet Trouble

God, please help remind me of the things I cannot see
When I'm broken down, defeated, believing lies from the enemy
God, please help remind me of the day death lost its sting
That I know You have a plan in the midst of suffering
I need You to make things whole
I've been lost, Lord, search my soul
I need You to be so close
I felt numb and can't take much more

I've witnessed things I can't explain
I know He's good, He's never changed
But life is hard and full of pain
Come and do work in me, come and do work
Speak life to the broken things

_______________________________________________________



Sidenote:

This past week, a close friend of mine led a lesson/discussion. I wasn’t able to attend, but he sent me the handout. It contained a lot of quotes that I think are very important that I need to remember in my own life. The topic was “Covenant Christian Conduct.” Here are a few of them:

Four Things You Must Never Do

“There are four things you must never do. Joseph Smith separately discusses four things. The first, of course, is “to aspire.” Satan aspired, and that was his undoing. Never aspire and never be ambitious. You don’t aspire in this world if you’re going to get anything you want in the next. Never accuse. Of course, Satan is “the accuser.” The word diabolus from which the name devil comes means accuser. He is called “the accuser of his brethren” in the scriptures. Adam said to Satan, “I will not bring a railing accusation against thee. Let God judge between me and thee.” Adam would not accuse Satan after what Satan had done to him, you see. So we don’t accuse anybody, no matter how guilty they are. Then you do not contend. The first thing the Lord says to the Nephites is there shall be no more contentions among you as there have been. This is my gospel that there shall be no contentions. All contention shall cease, for contention is not of me, but all contention is of the devil who stirreth up the children of men to anger to bloodshed and things like that [paraphrased]. So we never contend and never coerce, if that’s the case. And those are the four things that everybody wants to do today. Everybody is aspiring to high office, and everybody accuses in order to get it. Everybody contends; it’s a very contentious world we live in, a competitive world. And we back it all up in the end; the bottom line is force. We have to have the force, coercion. We have all four things.” Hugh Nibley (1993), Teachings of the Book of Mormon: Semester 1; Lecture 21: 2 Nephi 25–28 - Nephi’s Prophecy of Our Times.


“There are a few absolute and categorical ‘Thou shalt nots’ in the scriptures which we are far from taking to heart. We have been told that under no circumstances are we to contend, accuse, coerce, aspire, or flatter. These practices will be readily recognized as standard procedure in getting to the top in our modern competitive society. What all of them have in common is a feeling of self-righteousness.” Hugh Nibley (1974), Brigham Young and the Enemy, 2:7.

FORGIVENESS IS TO ABANDON ALL HOPE OF A BETTER PAST

Photos taken on a hike to the top of Sunset Peak in Big Cottonwood Canyon.

  The view from Sunset Peak of the backside of Mount Timpanogos. 

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past."

Jerry Jampolsky, 

author of Love Is Letting Go Of Fear

Forgiveness is an acknowledgment that what has happened is permanent and cannot be undone, no matter how unfair it was.

Forgiveness is letting go of control. When you forgive, you release the hope or expectation that the past could have unfolded differently, which in turn releases you from being confined or controlled by past events.

Forgiveness focuses on the future: By no longer dwelling on the past or being consumed by anger, you create space for healing and building a new path forward.

There are things that have happened in the past that we wish were different. We wish we could fix it or that somebody would have said or done something differently. The reality is, we cannot change the past. All we can do is learn to accept it and to forgive what didn’t measure up to our expectations.

“Christ taught that there is atoning power in forgiving others. As a result of the things He suffered, He understood that men must forgive others in order to be able to obtain forgiveness. There are many things men do in which they lack the capacity to make amends. The price they must pay for their own transgressions is paid by forgiving all others of their offenses"  DS, Come Let Us Adore Him

FACING THE STORM... like a buffalo

A few weeks ago, on October 11, 2025, I went hiking up into the mountains in Big Cottonwood Canyon on a late Friday afternoon. The goal was to summit to see the sunset and then hike down the mountain before dark. We reached the top, which is well above 10,000 feet, and enjoyed the views but missed the sunset due to the clouds, though we could see the last bit of sunrays. Dark clouds began to quickly rush in toward us. The storm came barreling in so fast that we were enveloped in the clouds. It began to thunder and lightning. It started to rain, hail, and then a full blizzard. Complete whiteout.
We were dressed for the cold and had brought food and water. With a strong headlamp, we faced the storm and were able to make it back to the truck and arrive home safely.
On the same day, a young Utah father took his three young children—an 8-year-old daughter, 4-year-old son Ezra, and 2-year-old son—hiking up Big Cottonwood Canyon too. They also got caught in this sudden winter storm with torrential rain, snow, and freezing winds that stranded them overnight on the mountain. The father shielded his kids with his body through the sub-zero night, sacrificing his own warmth to keep them alive. Rescuers airlifted the family the next morning. They all were hospitalized for extreme hypothermia and frostbite, but survived.

Here are few photos I took from the hike.

The reason for this post: 

When a storm approaches, cows try to run away from it. I wonder if that is were the word coward come from. Since they’re slower than the wind-driven storm, they end up prolonging their exposure—running with the storm means they get wet, cold, and miserable for longer. 

Buffalo charge directly into the storm. They face the storm head-on. By facing it directly, they pass through the worst of it faster, minimizing the time spent in harsh conditions.

Buffalos don’t seek storms or create them—they just know how to weather them.

Head First into the Storm photo taken by Chris Irwin

Life is full of storms—unexpected challenges, overwhelming obstacles, and difficult periods that test our resolve. When it comes to handling life’s inevitable storms, our approach can make all the difference. How we handle these storms matter. I want to be more like a buffalo and less like a cow. 

Accept life’s injustices gracefully

Photo taken last week of the Sunrise coming up over the Wasatch Mountains.

"And behold, it is written, An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth; 

but I say unto you that ye shall not resist evil, 

but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, 

turn to him the other also." 

3 Nephi 12:38

A close friend of mine shared some insight on this verse: 

"When Jesus said that when you are smitten on your right cheek, turn and give your left cheek to be smitten as well—that is not a peace-making act. That is an act of defiance. In first century Judea, a slap to the face was an act of public humiliation. It was a technique to enforce superiority. Romans would do it to Hebrews, masters would do it to slaves. This is not an act meant to injure. Instead, it is a public display of superiority. 

When Jesus says to offer your left cheek, that is an act of rebellion. That is not a passive, peaceful act. You are saying to your master or abuser, “hit me again because I recognize a higher power than you.”

That same verse is written like this in the Covenant of Christ, a modern English version of the Book of Mormon. Here is another beautiful insights to that verse:

"Accept life’s injustices gracefully,

 and when someone hits your right cheek, 

turn to him the other also."

3 NEPHI 5: 26 CoC

Our world would be a better place if all of us tried to live by the principles found in this Sermon. I am trying to at least take one verse at a time to apply it in my life until I am ready to move on to the next one.
_______________________


Sidenote:

I received the following advice this past weekend.

"I think it would be wonderful for you to write a blog post about why you continue attending church as an active member, even though you disagree with some things that happen there. That could genuinely help others who are wrestling with similar questions. I agree there’s much that’s good in the church — my daughters, for example, love girls’ camp and the youth programs, even though they haven't been baptized into the LDS Church."

 I hope you’ll consider putting your name to your words on your blog. You have many good things to say, and standing behind them would be a powerful example. If you truly aren’t afraid of being known by your congregation, perhaps allowing them to discover your writing naturally — with your name and face behind the words — could open the door for honest conversation when they’re ready."

This is me, David Christenson,  taking this advice to heart. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I enjoy waking up early in the morning to reach a mountain summit to see the sunrise. If you have been a reader of this blog, I try to be balanced in what I write, from posting photos from my hikes to things that I see happening in my religion that I was raised in.  My mom is my biggest fan and supporter of my blog. She is my main audience who I write for. We discuss a lot of my posts. On occasion, she has asked that I edit some of what I write.  I appreciate her insight. She is currently serving as a temple worker. We both miss my dad who passed away last year. 

LDS want their cake and eat it too? i.e. Garments, Polygamy, and Gender Topics

It seems I only get around to posting about once a month these days. I wish I had more time to post. There are so many things I would like to share. Here is just a few thoughts I had today.

The LDS Church and its members seem to want it both ways. They want their cake and eat it too.

Here are three examples:

1. LDS Church maintains that Latter-day Saints should be a "peculiar people," especially in our stance on modesty and the wearing of garments—yet we're changing the garments to better fit into the world, to the point where we can't tell who's wearing them and who isn't.
2. LDS Church teachs that Joseph Smith practiced polygamy and had many wives—yet cling to the image of him as only married to Emma. 
3. LDS Church emphasizes the importance of men being men and women being women, yet we removed the very masculine Christ statue at the Hill Cumorah and replaced it with a much more feminine-looking Jesus.

First of all: The New (less than modest) Garments 

Today was a big day for LDS members across North America—especially here in Utah. It marked the first day that sleeveless garments were available for purchase. Women (and men) arrived early at Deseret Book stores before they opened to snag the much-anticipated items. I drove by our local Deseret Book later that morning to check if the rumors were true. Sure enough, the parking lot was packed, and a line still stretched out the door. I heard that some distribution stores in Utah County had lines wrapping all the way around the building.

One LDS woman shared on social media that she had bought the new sleeveless garment and showed what you can now wear while still wearing garments.  

___________________________

Second, We teach that Joseph Smith practiced polygamy and had many wives—yet cling to the image of him as only married to Emma.

Case in point: the newly remodeled Joseph Smith Memorial Building in downtown Salt Lake City. I walked into the grand main lobby—hard to guess how many millions were spent—and noticed just two portraits hanging on the wall: Joseph and Emma.
That’s it.

Where are the portraits of his other wives? If God commanded him to enter plural marriage, and we still teach this to our children in Sunday School, why hide it in our most prominent historical spaces? We don’t deny the doctrine, but we quietly erase the evidence. It feels like we’re preserving a monogamous myth while preaching a polygamous past. And now, we're even teaching it to kids as young as 3. As I mentioned, the LDS Church is now including Joseph Smith's plural marriages in a Primary storybook—"Doctrine and Covenants Stories"—released earlier this year (2025). It's a cartoon-style chapter aimed at the youngest kids, framing polygamy as a tough but divinely commanded act of obedience. But it sparked major backlash from members upset about introducing such a complex (and painful) topic to toddlers. Within weeks, the Church pulled it, made edits to soften the language, and even deleted a few pages. Here's a side-by-side of the original version (first released) and the edited one—see how they dialed back the emphasis on "obedience" and Emma's mixed feelings:We seem to hide that, if he really was married to more than one wife, but still teach it.. even now to the children.

Here are the front doors that you enter into the newly remodeled Joseph Smith Memorial Building

This is what you see when you walk through those doors in the above photo.

Close of the only two painting hanging on the wall. Where are his other portraits of his other wives?

 See below the side by side of  the original version that was first released and then the edited version. 

___________________________

And Lastly, We emphasize that men should be men and women should be women, with Jesus Christ as the ultimate prototype of masculine strength and divine authority.

For decades, a powerful, muscular statue of Christ stood in the visitor center at the Hill Cumorah—one of the most sacred sites in Latter-day Saint history. It embodied that ideal: a strong, commanding Savior.

But a few months ago, the Church quietly removed it.

 Original statue of Jesus Christ.

A closer view of the original statue of Jesus Christ close up. 

In its place? A much softer, more feminine-looking Jesus.

Here is the new statue. From a distance, it almost looks like a woman. 

Here is a close up of the statue. 

If Christ is our model of godly manhood, why replace strength with such a feminine looking man than looks like He is wearing a dress? Seriously makes me wonder who approved this statue.

A CALL TO REPENT -

I wanted to share a partial transcript of the question about Mormons that Charlie Kirk was engaged in just before his murder. The question was the first of the Q&A session, posed by UVU student Hunter Kozak approximately 8-10 minutes before the fatal shot was fired at 12:23 p.m


Question:

"Mr. Kirk, as an evangelical Protestant speaking here in Utah, why do you believe Protestantism is the true path to Christianity? Isn't Mormonism more historically accurate than Protestantism, given the additional scriptures like the Book of Mormon and the restoration through Joseph Smith?"

Answer:

"First of all, I love Mormons. I've always said that—I love how Mormons send missionaries around the world. I love how Mormons have more kids than they can afford [light laughter from the crowd]. Look, we have the white shirt and tie crowd right there [gesturing to a group in the audience, including some of his own team members he identifies as Mormon]...

This was part of Kirk’s broader point praising the historical zeal of early Mormonism while critiquing what he saw as its modern institutional softening, contrasting it with the "unchanging truth" of evangelical reliance on the Bible alone. He delivered the line with his typical mix of humor and provocation, which drew chuckles from parts of the crowd but also murmurs from others, given Utah’s predominantly LDS audience. There are differing accounts on what he said, but I saw a clip that said the Mormon Church has lost it's mojo. Charlie: "You’ve got to get your mojo back.” One online comment from a viewer wrote this: 

"Mormonism had a spark when it started—bold, missionary-driven, a real fire for faith. But let’s be honest, some of that energy, that ‘mojo,’ has faded. It’s become too comfortable, too mainstream, maybe too focused on fitting in with the world instead of challenging it like Joseph Smith did.

The Book of Mormon warns the modern day Church of the same thing.

___________________

The memorial service for Charlie Kirk took place on September 21, 2025, at State Farm Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. My wife and watch alot of the seven hour plus tribute and speech that were given. Tucker Carlson delivered a eulogy that lasted approximately six minutes. It was one of my favorites. Here is an excerpt:

"Charlie Kirk was bringing the gospel to the country. He was doing the thing that the people in charge hate most, which is calling for them to repent. He wasn’t just a political operative; he was a prophet in his own way, a voice crying out in the wilderness, telling young people—and all of us—that real change doesn’t come from Washington or from voting harder. It comes from here [points to heart]. It’s only an acknowledgment that what Charlie was really saying is that change begins, the only change that matters, when we repent of our sins. We, me. A recognition that the real problem is me, and how fallen I am. So today, let’s honor him by doing what he did. Let’s repent. Let’s forgive. Let’s fight, not with hate, but with love for what’s right.

___________________

Sidenote:

Yesterday, September 22, 2025, marked the Fall Equinox, a day I celebrated with friends for the tenth year in a row. At sundown, the Jewish High Holy Day of Rosh Hashanah (also known as the Feast of Trumpets) began. Rosh Hashanah is rich with symbolic traditions, including sounding the shofar (a hollowed-out ram’s horn), eating apples dipped in honey to signify a sweet new year, and casting bread into flowing water to represent the casting away of sins. In Jewish tradition, Rosh Hashanah is believed to commemorate the creation of Adam and Eve and their initial steps toward returning to God’s presence.

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), Rosh Hashanah holds special significance. On September 22, 1827—coinciding with Rosh Hashanah—Joseph Smith received the golden plates from the angel Moroni, following four annual visits beginning on September 21, 1823. In LDS belief, the Book of Mormon’s emergence on this date fulfills prophecies associated with Rosh Hashanah, where ritual trumpet blasts symbolize divine revelation, a call to repentance, and the gathering of Israel.Rosh Hashanah also marks the start of the Ten Days of Awe, a period of introspection and repentance leading to Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Set during Israel’s final agricultural harvest, this holy day symbolizes the Lord’s final harvest of souls and the culmination of divine time periods, preparing believers for final judgment and the hope of having their names written in the Book of Life.

Attached are a few photos taken yesterday at sunset, capturing the start of the Ten Days of Repentance during our Rosh Hashanah observance.

If you can’t be corrected without being offended, you’ll never get anywhere in life

I came across the following quote: 

"If you can’t be corrected without being offended, you’ll never get anywhere in life. Growth happens when you are open to hearing feedback, learn from mistakes and know that reproof is not an attack but an opportunity to become better. And nobody’s that great, and we all have things to learn. Being personally offended each time someone highlights a flaw will get you nowhere. True power is in listening, in reflecting and in taking action when required. So don’t let pride get in the way of your growth. Be teachable — because those who learn the most are the ones who would be taught."  Neena Gupta.

Last week, my wife and I were in a remote area with limited access to any outside news or information. Truly, ignorance can be bliss. When we heard the news of the tragic assassination on the campus of UVU, I was shocked. I feel like we have entered a whole new chapter in the history of our country. Grief is part of this world. One of the only ways I know how to deal with difficulties is to spend time in God's creations. I share some recent photos I have taken over the last few weeks in the hope that they can bring some peace.

SECOND EDITION OF SCRIPTURES:

I wanted post a  quick reminder regarding the limited purchase opportunity that will soon close for the second edition restoration scriptures. For those interested you can still order a set, but you need to do so before Saturday, July 26th.  Here is the link: https://scriptures.shop/special-order/2nd-edition/

What's New in the Second Edition? 

Significant improvements have been made to the Second Edition. 

• KJV and LDS Chapter/Verse Numbering: Added alongside the traditional Restoration Scripture chapter and paragraph format, making it easier to cross-reference with LDS and Christian friends using familiar Bible or LDS scripture notations.

• Updated Content: Includes new sections in the Teachings and Commandments, plus hundreds of minor text corrections, punctuation fixes, and updates across all books in the canon. These improvements are complete, with no further changes expected.

• Heirloom Quality: Printed by Jongbloed in the Netherlands, these leather-bound books are sold at cost with no markup, ensuring exceptional value.

Why Act Now?

• This is the final leather-bound printing of the Restoration Scriptures—no additional runs are planned.

• Print-on-demand paperbacks (7 books, ~$200 total) are planned for early 2026, but they won’t match the heirloom quality of this edition.

• Online scripture updates are in progress but have no set timeline due to manual effort and contributors’ schedules.

Once again, The buying window closes on Saturday July 26th at midnight Mountain Daylight Time. That is just a few days from now.

------------------------

UPDATE: 

Originally the second edition scriptures for the 3 volume set were only available in Black and British Tan. The stand-alone Covenant of Christ books were always available in all four colors below.

• Black
• British Tan
• Firebrick Red
• Blue

If you have already ordered your Black or British Tan 3 volume set and would like to choose red or blue, please email your requestion to scripturesrestoration@gmail.com

KEY INGREDIENTS TO A SUCCESSFUL FRIENDSHIP/FELLOWSHIP: PROXIMITY, TIMING, and ENERGY

My oldest daughter recently finished The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, and over dinner last night, she shared some fascinating insights from the book with our family. Beyond the key takeaways promoted in the book, she highlighted the three pillars that explain why some friendships, connections and/or fellowships endure while others naturally fade.  I found the things she shared to be fascinating, so I wanted to share some of the concepts in this blog post. (A quick hat tip to Grok, as I haven’t read the book myself yet!)

 

Friendships/Fellowships are shaped by three pillars: proximity, timing, and energy.

Proximity: The Role of Physical and Emotional Closeness.

Physical proximity refers to the physical or situational nearness that facilitates connection. Friendships often form because people are in the same place at the same time—whether it’s a workplace, school, neighborhood, or shared social circle. Proximity creates opportunities for repeated interactions, which are the foundation of building trust and familiarity. Without intentional effort to stay in touch, the friendship may fade because the natural opportunities for bonding diminish.

Emotional Proximity: Beyond physical location, proximity also includes emotional closeness. This involves shared experiences, vulnerabilities, or life circumstances that create a sense of “being on the same wavelength.” For instance, two friends who bond over navigating similar challenges (e.g., parenting, career transitions) feel emotionally close, even if they’re physically distant. However, if one friend’s circumstances change significantly (e.g., one becomes a parent while the other remains single), the emotional proximity may decrease, leading to a drift

Timing: The Right Moment for Connection. 

Timing refers to the alignment of life stages, priorities, and circumstances that enable a friendship to thrive. Friendships flourish when both individuals are in similar phases of life, with compatible schedules or emotional availability. When timing shifts due to life changes—like marriage, career demands, or personal crises—friendships can struggle.  Timing is about being in sync with a friend’s life phase. For example, friends who bonded over shared career goals in their 20s may drift apart if one starts a family while the other pursues travel or entrepreneurship. Differing priorities can make it hard to relate or find time to connect, leading to a natural fade. Timing also involves being emotionally available for a friendship. If a friend is navigating a crisis (e.g., a divorce or job loss), they may lack the capacity to invest in the relationship. Similarly, if you’re focused on personal growth or intense goals, you may not be as available for connection as before.

Robbins notes that timing is not something you can control. If a friend’s priorities or life stage no longer align with yours, forcing the same level of closeness can feel like swimming against the current. The “Let Them” approach involves accepting their current season of life and focusing on your own path. While the friendship may not be over permanently, clinging to it tightly during a mismatch can lead to disappointment.

Energy: The Emotional Investment and Alignment. 

Energy refers to the emotional effort, enthusiasm, and mutual investment both parties bring to a friendship. It’s about the “vibe” of the relationship—whether it feels reciprocal, uplifting, and aligned with your values. Mismatched or one-sided energy can make a friendship draining or unsustainable.

• Reciprocity and Effort: Energy thrives on mutual give-and-take. A healthy friendship feels balanced, with both friends offering support, listening actively, and making time for each other. If one person is always initiating contact or carrying the emotional load, the imbalance can erode the connection. For instance, constantly texting a friend who rarely responds signals a lack of reciprocal energy, suggesting the friendship isn’t a priority for them.
• Values and Emotional Alignment: Energy also involves shared values and emotional compatibility. Friends with similar outlooks—on humor, ambition, or growth—enjoy a natural flow in interactions. However, if one friend’s values shift (e.g., adopting a lifestyle or belief system you don’t share), the emotional energy may feel misaligned, leading to tension or disconnection.

 Robbins emphasizes that you can’t control someone else’s energy. If a friend’s effort is lacking or their values no longer align with yours, trying to “fix” the relationship is often futile. The “Let Them” theory encourages letting their actions reveal their priorities and redirecting your energy toward connections that feel mutual and fulfilling.

The Emotional Toll of Holding On: Robbins argues that clinging to friendships that no longer fit creates unnecessary stress and prevents you from forming new, meaningful connections. The “Let Them” theory encourages releasing the need to control or fix relationships, which can lead to peace and emotional freedom. Holding onto a fading friendship—whether due to guilt, fear of confrontation, or nostalgia—can lead to resentment, insecurity, or a sense of rejection. For example, if a friend no longer invites you to events, you might obsess over why or try to “win” their attention, which Robbins sees as wasted energy. Instead, she advises accepting their choices and focusing on your own well-being—e.g., seeking new friends who share your current interests or values. This process can be painful, as it involves grieving the loss of what the friendship once was, but it opens space for relationships that align with who you are now.

Natural Fading vs. Toxic Ending: Robbins distinguishes between friendships that naturally fizzle out and those that end due to toxicity or betrayal. Some friendships fade without conflict due to life changes, while others require deliberate boundaries if they become harmful. Not all friendship endings are dramatic. A “slow fizzle” can occur when both parties stop investing due to diverging paths, like moving to different cities or entering new life stages. This is often mutual and doesn’t require confrontation. However, Robbins also acknowledges that some friendships end because of toxic dynamics—e.g., a friend who constantly criticizes you or makes you feel small. In these cases, the “Let Them” theory involves setting boundaries and prioritizing your peace, even if it means stepping away entirely. For example, if a friend’s behavior consistently drains you or violates your values, letting them go is an act of self-care, not failure.

Robbins’ core message is that letting go of friendships that no longer serve you isn’t a failure—it’s an act of empowerment. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that’s a natural part of life’s ebb and flow. By embracing the “Let Them” mindset, you free yourself from the emotional burden of trying to control others’ actions or cling to outdated connections. This creates space for new relationships that align with your current self, fostering greater peace and authenticity.

While Robbins’ theory is empowering, some critics argue it risks oversimplifying complex emotional dynamics. For instance, a Reddit thread suggests that the “Let Them” approach might discourage vulnerability, which researchers like Brené Brown argue is essential for connection. However, Robbins counters that letting go isn’t about disconnection but about redirecting energy toward relationships that are mutually fulfilling. The key is balancing acceptance of others’ choices with active investment in your own social well-being.